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GARBAGE AND THE GODDESS

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4. GOD-POSSESSION: The Third Miracle

Friday: The Night of the Devotee

After the group discussion that took place on Wednesday night, Marcia announced that Bubba wanted everyone to maintain order at Persimmon and to manage their functional and practical lives in the customary way, even while feeling these extraordinary effects. Thursday became an ordinary work day, to the extent that such a thing was possible. While feeling "this is the beginning of the end, the world has been transformed," devotees were rebuilding the walls of the second floor of the administration building, cooking meals, hauling garbage, cleaning the bathhouse. And Thursday evening was declared a work night," during which they continued in their daily tasks or straightened and cleaned communal areas, such as the lounge and the Satsang Hall.

Earlier in the day, sunlight had come streaming in across the valley below Persimmon, but by afternoon a blanket of slow-moving gray clouds was once again releasing a gentle drizzle over the land. Sal left Bubba's house and went to the cabin where Louise and Jane had slept the night before. He and Louise talked about the debilitating sense of sorrow and loss she had been experiencing since the events on Wednesday. Louise recounts the conversation:

What was the intense sorrow? I didn't understand it. I didn't relate to the concept of the dissolution of the psyche that I had been hearing lately. I don't know those terms, they are very foreign to me. I just know what I am experiencing. Sal related to me what Bubba had said to him, that the psyche was like another person living inside of you, and that it was dying, being broken down and dying, and that was the sorrow. For this reason Bubba had told him not to take it personally." That's the incredible part of all of it. It is just a process going on. We should just let it occur. That kind of handled it for awhile. Every now and then, this melancholy would arise, but what became easy was giving it away now. I would see it and just be able to throw it off, and that became easier and easier to do as time went on. I didn't feel like I had to get into it any more.

After leaving the cabin, Sal stood in the parking lot near the hotel patio with several people who had gathered around him. They felt a remarkable change in him. His tough edge was gone, and people began to describe what replaced it with a phrase that became a cliche' over the following days: "Sal's presence is no different now from Bubba's." Neil also came out for a few moments early that afternoon, and those who met him had a similar feeling about him. Sal and Neil did not stay out long, however. They returned quickly to Bubba's house, and the others kept working that day and evening, awed and alive with curiosity.

Friday at Persimmon dawned even colder and wetter, but everyone worked as usual, wearing extra layers of clothing and raincoats. After dinner most of the people at Persimmon stayed in the lounge area, biding their time until the evening study group. The word was out that Bubba had asked Sal and Neil to speak to everyone about all they had been undergoing during the past week. After eight o'clock devotees from San Francisco began to arrive, turning their cars in at the main gate just below Bubba's house. They parked and ran through the driving rain into the lounge, where they were greeted with embraces and laughter. The San Francisco people felt "something" immediately, if they hadn't even earlier. Theresa Le Garie arrived shortly before everyone was to gather in the Satsang Hall. She wrote the following observations later that weekend:

The first person I saw when we arrived said to me, "Are you ready, are you really ready?" I embraced her, but really there was only fear. I felt that death was upon us, but couldn't understand how.

I felt like my bullshit was not to be had here. There was an intensity, yet I still didn't know what was happening. I was told there was to be a meeting in a few minutes.

Someone rang the big bell, and the community gathered in the Satsang Hall. Sal sat near Bubba's couch in front of a microphone, while Neil remained for awhile among the people crowded toward the front of the room. As soon as everyone had come inside and the doors had been closed, the tape recorder was turned on and Sal began talking. He spoke in uncharacteristically soft and gentle tones, as if this were a private and intimate conversation. People had to strain to hear him, and many people weren't able to hear him at all, because other devotees were erupting with all kinds of spontaneous wild sounds. Theresa's account continues:

Then Sal began to speak. The intensity rose: animal sounds, screams, kriyas. It was difficult to hear what was being said. The fear of insanity. The rain got harder, the wind rose.

By the time Sal had finished, the room was reminiscent of the baths the previous Monday night. People were screaming and howling and weeping, emitting strange grunts and snarls, their bodies jerking, writhing, and assuming yogic mudras.

Sal said, "Now Neil will tell us about his experiences." Neil rose and wobbled forward almost drunkenly. He sat cross-legged in front of the microphone and kept still for a moment, apparently gathering his energies in order to perform the task before him. Everyone waited. Suddenly his body exploded with movement, his arms and legs flying outward, his head rolling around and snapping. Force seemed to be flung from his body into the others present. Howls and screeches drowned him out, but he kept trying to speak. Hardly anyone could hear him, and obviously the actual communication was taking place apart from whatever words were uttered. Nevertheless, Neil kept trying. When his body was not being tossed around beyond his control, he would stare at his pages of notes and speak softly, with effort, as if he were both exhausted and presently being consumed by the process at work in him. Then his body would snap once again. Many devotees felt spiritual force communicated as powerfully through Neil this night as they had ever felt it in Bubba's physical presence. The room continued to surge with force and noise, and after awhile Neil stopped speaking entirely and continued to go into mudras. Hellie Sheinfeld recalls that evening:

When Neil was having kriyas he absolutely became Bubba for me. He was dealing with us through his hands the way Bubba deals with us through His eyes. He was Bubba's instrument. One person would begin freaking out and Neil's hands would be directed towards that one for awhile, then somebody else. I knew right away when Bubba finally came in, because Neil brought his hands to his chest. Bubba didn't need to manifest through Neil anymore, because he was then physically present.

Bubba came in and walked around among his devotees, touching them and looking almost sternly into their eyes, with terrific authority and power. He spent some time working directly with some of the devotees at the back of the room who were undergoing violent kriyas. Lou Emunson wrote in her diary of these few moments:

Bubba came into the Satsang Hall, and I didn't notice any change in intensity. In fact, I didn't even notice him come in, it was so noisy. Somehow at one point I just happened to turn my head. I saw him, and I was immediately paralyzed. There was golden-white all around him and his Presence was so powerful it abolished everything in its path. Everything stopped and it was like looking upon the very face of the Divine.

Marie Marrero later wrote of her experience that Friday night:

On Friday evening I went into the Satsang Hall to hear Sal and Neil talk about their experiences at Bubba's house. Almost as soon as I sat down, I felt Bubba's Force and Presence entering me and taking over my being. I began to do hand mudras. My arms would reach for the sky and move rhythmically, as if I were dancing with my hands and arms. Then I was completely absorbed in and possessed by God. I felt His Light moving through my body, taking me over completely, and it was joyous and blissful and perfect.

God for the first time was totally and perfectly present as me, and there was nothing left of the person I had thought to be Marie. I felt His energy move through my body and throw me here and there. I looked up at the ceiling of the Satsang Hall and saw His Light and Love everywhere. I could hear sounds and voices moving through the room, but I couldn't make out what was going on around me. Then I felt pressure in my belly: I had to urinate! I know how ridiculous it seems that I should have to do such a thing when my usual awareness of the body was gone, but I did have to urinate. I knew that I couldn't do it where I was, even though I felt like I couldn't move.

I forced myself to get up and walk out the door and outside. I stood looking at the magnificence of God's sky and Force in the rain and storm. Another devotee came out and we held on to each other and began to scream and yell spontaneously, and it was as if she were I. I felt no separation at all, no distinction that this was someone else I was holding onto. We were frozen and we couldn't move, and I had no thought of moving or any desire to go anywhere other than where I was.

Then I saw Bubba's face. He was standing beside me, bodily. He put his arm around me and led me into the Satsang Hall. I remember looking at him and knowing him to be the Force and Love that were filling my entire being. I realized that Bubba's Force and Love are not limited in any way to any object or form, but that He is, in fact, everything. His body seemed so small and such a tiny part of what He is. When he took us back into the Satsang Hall, I fell on the floor and remained there consumed by God.

After Bubba had worked with various people for awhile, by touching and looking at them, he moved to his couch. The noisy Force manifestations persisted, and Bubba had to wait for them to subside before he could speak. But he didn't wait before laughing, "I've gone too far!" He talked quietly with Neil, then jokingly asked to be reminded not to invite a certain wailing devotee to dinner, unless we make adequate arrangements."

After things had quieted somewhat Bubba talked and joked with his devotees.

Are we supposed to talk about anything tonight? What? See how much resistance there is in this world, all this rain. But it is a reflection of this work that has begun. You car, see it. There is a shower of this Force. It looks very fine, like very fine rain. And it is producing all this water.

After more casual discussion, Bubba sat with everyone in formal meditation. The wailing and moaning continued until after he left, followed by Sal, Neil, and others from Bubba's household. Then some devotees went to the lounge, while many remained in the Satsang Hall, enjoying the Presence.

David Patten was one of those. He had been Bonnie Beavan's fiance until the previous Sunday night, when Bubba took her to his house. All during the week he had oscillated between "feeling resentful towards her or Bubba, and letting that go, and feeling really free, and then just feeling this intensity I can't describe." Now, on this Friday night, he was sitting in the Satsang Hall and nothing was happening to him. He just sat there.

But later, after Bubba had left and most of the people were going to the lounge and other places, I began to feel a "buzz" as if I had taken LSD. Then all the colors around me got richer and brighter than they had been, and they kind of shimmered and shone. I touched the rug, and I could feel it in my gut as if I had been touching myself. Anything I touched felt like my own body. I sat and stroked the rug because it felt good to me, and I looked at the other people, and they weren't any different from the rug. I could feel them also. The walls were just like the rug and the other people. It felt like I was everything. I knew it was Bubba. After awhile this faded away, and I got up and went into the lounge.

Marie Marrero still had not moved from the floor.

When I finally forced myself to go to the lounge, people began to talk to me, and all I could do was laugh. Everything was absolutely humorous and I saw the joke of the cosmos, the beauty and joy of living in God. Life was a huge joke to be lived and enjoyed in God, and there was nothing that wasn't humorous, nothing that was to be taken seriously. People would try to talk to me and I couldn't answer them. I fell on the floor in the lounge and laughed while God threw me around for awhile longer.

The whole community was amazed. No one had actually doubted Bubba when he said that he would manifest through devotees, but it shocked them to see this evidently occurring. Greg Purnell wrote that evening, "Tonight is the night of the devotee, Bubba has devotees now.

People gathered in the lounge and elsewhere and drank, laughed, and embraced each other. The world was being transformed, they could feel it. Many devotees now had undeniable personal experiences of "the transformation," as they were beginning to call it. Even those who weren't prone to yogic experiences could feel that something was going on. They sat together. Some were confused, frightened, and perturbed by all these weird going's-on, but most were remembering now that nothing mattered, nothing was really what it seemed to be. A feeling of imminent and stupendous change pressed upon them all.

Amid all the turmoil one genuine response that was evoked in everyone was an awed recognition of God, perhaps best expressed by Neil. When Bubba sat on his couch in the Satsang Hall, he asked Neil if he had been able to say anything. Neil replied to Bubba in a hushed, breathless voice that almost no one else was able to hear:

I started telling just the experiences of the first day... and I didn't even get a quarter through it... I would hate to have to tell the next five days, after that ... and... you entered my body.. . and you are the Divine... you are God... and I got utterly consumed by you ... God... and from there on whatever happened was nothing but God, it had nothing to do with me ... just a vehicle ... at least it's been the last few days. I'm your vehicle.

Saturday: The Story Is Told

Though many devotees had been awake, partying or talking into the early hours of Saturday morning, everyone met in the lounge at eight-thirty for general announcements and the assignment of work details for the day. By nine o'clock they were working, and continued to do so throughout the day, until about three o'clock that afternoon.

The bell was rung, and the community gathered in the Satsang Hall. Neil and Sal were going to try again to convey to us what they had been going through all week. The hall remained quiet. No one was moved to scream or shout, and only a few people even experienced the usual kriyas. Everyone listened intently as Neil began to speak. He was calm now, and apparently in control of himself.

NEIL: What you saw taking place in me here last night has been taking place all week in Bubba's house, from the time I moved in. That's how he works -- through his devotees. He said he was going to have a living Community, that everybody would manifest certain abilities and qualities, but the main quality would be the Force that is alive in Satsang. So he works through and with each of us. This Force is alive in the world now, and you have to start understanding what it truly is. It is the Divine. It truly is the Divine. It is not merely Shakti or energy. It is the Divine.

Bubba keeps telling me more and more about what's taking place. This stage that I'm going through now with these violent kriyas and physical changes will gradually taper off and assume subtle dimensions until it's full.

Bubba told me, "I want you to move in, give up your marriage, and give up everything. Are you ready to do that?" There was some reluctance, because I knew what was going to occur. It was going to be death. He will settle for nothing less. But it's really groovy! It's incredible. To really be free, you have to have nothing, and then you'll have everything, everything, including this tremendous love. Love without attachment, without games, very straight.

On Wednesday we were sitting and just chatting for a couple of hours, and all of a sudden I had this tremendous urge to get up and kiss Bubba's hand. So I stood up and I kissed his hand, and I held it for a little while. Then I attempted to withdraw, but he held on to me.

I continued to hold Bubba's hand, and a process started in my whole body. It felt as if I were being turned inside out and the very cells were being transformed. This occurred over a very long period of time. I talked to him about this today. He said that's absolutely what is taking place, that the cells, the actual cells in the body are very similar to this contraction of anxiety you can feel in your stomach, and so that transformation even of the cells has to be taken care of also, so that the Divine flows through you.

I was having these tremendous, violent kriyas, something similar to what you saw last night, but much more violent. Then Bubba put his hand on the top of my head, and I felt the Divine Force, literally, this tremendous Light and Force, coming down and filling my whole body, consuming me, as if it was turning every part of me inside out. The Force of the Divine was so great, my body assumed tremendous force, there was this tremendous expansion of the chest, much more than I could probably ever attempt to do, and of the arms. It was as if I were fighting something, and I literally was. It was my psyche being ripped out. I was very reluctant, and I was holding on, and so the Divine Force was actually pulling it out from the top of my head. It was coming down and the psyche was trying to ... it was like being exorcised. It was almost unbearable, but it was never painful. It's just tremendous intensity. At that point I felt the psyche being drawn out. I knew that my marriage had dissolved. I also knew that my ordinary life, my coming from the ordinary point of view, had absolutely dissolved. I knew there was nothing but the Divine.

And I knew that all of this, everything here, everything is just the Divine. It's an extraordinary thing. My body continued to have these violent kriyas and shaking, and then this subsided and I attempted to pull away from Bubba, but he held on to me and he placed his forehead on my forehead while continuing to keep his hand on the top of my head, and then it really started becoming tremendous. What he was doing was pushing the Divine Light through the top of my head, with his forehead on my forehead at the same time. I felt twitches, you know, like my mind was being dissolved at this time. Again it was very intense. It was so intense I kept pushing his hand like I wanted it and needed it on top of my head. And I pressed against his forehead. I felt like the top of my brain was being ripped off, and I needed more force to deal with this. Then the assumed region of my mind started to dissolve, literally dissolve.

It felt like something went out and left. While this was occurring, the mind kept conjuring up these mind forms, crazy mind forms, all kinds of mind forms. Some were obscene, some were about business and things like that. At any rate, it just continued to leave. And it feels like it did leave. It feels like there is no mind anymore. Then there was this tremendous light in the whole forehead and the temples, blinding white light, and I knew that all of that had dissolved. I hugged Bubba around the waist. It was very intense, and I could feel all of his strength. I was holding him and I felt him enter my body, literally enter my body. And I became one with him, and at this point the Divine Force became very active in my body, very active, it just kept going right through the whole body from the tip of my toes, hands, arms, forehead, and then I raised my hand automatically, and the Force was coming out so intensely, but it wasn't that Shakti manifestation or any energy that seeks to go to God. It was the Divine Light, it was already God, and I just knew it.

I pointed my hand at Sal to dissolve him. And that is also what happened here last night. Bubba was working through me as the vehicle for a lot of people here. So that's what occurred then, and I felt it do something to Sal very fast, in perhaps a half a minute or something like that. In fact we almost mentioned it at the same time. He was just about to say to Bubba that he felt his mind and his psyche had dissolved, and I said it. "You know," I said,"the mind and the psyche have dissolved." Bubba continued putting his forehead on my forehead, and I opened my eyes in a trance state. I was just sort of looking out, and I saw what this really is. And it's, you know, it's really non-existent, this world. It's almost hallucinogenic, and yet it's not. It's Reality itself.

Then my eyes automatically dropped to his chest, and I kept staring at his chest, and I saw the Divine Force, the Divine Life in his chest, emanating right out of his chest. All this took a long period of time, I don't know how long, but it took some time. At this time, when I was looking at this in his chest, I felt there were other people in the room, I felt the Force going out. I also felt it leaving the house, going out to some place here, I don't know where, and also just out into the world.

I told him later that I felt like there was a subtle change in the world. We ought to put a sign downtown, "Did you notice? The world changed yesterday!" It definitely has taken place, and you all here know that there's been a change. There's been an absolute change. After awhile we just lulled into normal conversation, and I said to one of the ladies, "Someone should bring the tape recorder so I can record what happened to me," and Bubba said, "Well, why don't you discuss it now?" So I started telling him what I'm telling you, and then I started breathing heavier and heavier, and I went into a trance state. I was here, but I wasn't here. I went into another dimension, and it was the dimension of what truly is, the Divine Light, the Divine Reality. And I realized that's all there is.

It was drizzling, and I looked out the window, the big picture window in Bubba's dining room, and all of a sudden this tremendous storm was conjured up right in front of this window, ripping up the sky, and it was coming down in torrents, absolute torrents. It was incredible. I just kept looking at it, and all of a sudden it just went. It lifted very fast. And I knew what it was. It was a validation of what had occurred. I have to see things very concretely. I was telling Jane, the sense that I had was of being told, "I told you so," that what had occurred was real. I knew the storm wasn't just a natural manifestation, that it truly was a Divine sign.

It took awhile to come back to normal, and when I came back, I felt much different, and ever since that time all these other experiences have been occurring, one of which you saw last night. That's basically it.

Basically, just know what's happening. There's been a change in the work, and things are going to get very intense.

QUESTION: When did you say this commenced?

NEIL: On the 27th -- Wednesday afternoon. I moved in Tuesday, and I went through tremendous resistance that night. Bubba was working on me all night, verbally. I'd be listening to music on a record, and he'd say, "Neil, it's much better to be happy, and you're going to be much happier." We must let go of everything. That's the only way it's going to occur. We are going to have to let it all go. When you let it go, he gives you the gift.

After Neil finished speaking, he yielded the microphone to Sal. Sal spoke quietly, as he had the night before, telling the story of the week in detail. On Tuesday Bubba had told him that the unraveling required a "couple of days" more work. Sal and Neil both knew they weren't leaving the house until it had occurred.

SAL: Then on Wednesday I had this incredible pain, as if the back of my neck were knotting up, and this knot was going all the way down my spine. I really thought it would snap, and if it snapped it would kill me physically. So I finally went over and I told Bubba, and he said, "Relax your stomach and don't worry about it. It won't snap." About fifteen or twenty minutes after that, we went into the dining room, and that's when this incident happened with Neil.

And the storm -- I knew all the worlds were transcended, that the transformation didn't just take place in a few devotees, it took place throughout all the worlds, because the Maha-Siddha, the Divine, is prior to all the worlds and penetrates them all.

So at that point on Wednesday I knew that the psyche and the mind had died. The next day there was the same sort of intensity, and there occurred a vision. I left the body again, and I saw the image of the Mother Shakti in a silhouette of fire. I saw fire and then I saw this image in the fire, and then water appeared and it just dissolved. This vision was very significant because it demonstrated the paradox of creation and destruction. The Mother Shakti, the active Power of the cosmos, was in the flames, and yet she wasn't changing. It's as if everything is changing, but nothing is changing. The worlds, all the worlds are a fire. They're just a bunch of atoms and molecules, just forms, and yet a fire. The Mother Shakti creates the worlds and sits in the fire. The Guru is the fire that consumes all things. So that is the significance of this vision. Seeing that, for the first time I realized nothing has ever happened. Bubba has communicated that to me over and over again, but I finally realized what he was saying -- "Nothing has ever happened, and nothing is happening."

Then there arose a great pressure, a pain in the head. I withstood it for a long period of time, until I finally couldn't take it any longer and went over to Bubba on the couch. I put my head on the couch and then I lost bodily consciousness again. When I came back, the pressure was gone. I didn't have any mental vision of anything, but I felt this also was a purification of the psyche, anciently. A lot of force and energy were coming out of the chest, and my stomach filled up with energy and relaxed completely. It has remained that way ever since. I also wasn't sure if the body was going to survive all this. I thought it was going to explode and die. I felt and feel completely possessed and taken over, and I know that Bubba literally takes you: You surrender your life to Bubba, and He literally enters the body and then lives that life for you forever. So everything is changed -- breathing, moving, everything. I don't have a common sense of being here.

It was interesting, one of the things I was noting is that when you go to sit down and meditate or do something like that, or when you turn to Bubba at any time, you put your attention on him or become quiet. Well, I feel I have to do that just to do anything. I have to come out of that stillness just to do anything. I don't really come out of it, but I must pay special attention to anything that I must do. I feel meditation going on always, and absolutely no separation from Bubba at any moment.

I really feel that Sal has died. One of the things I wrote down is this: "The devotee resides in the Guru, who is the Heart and the Divine Light. The devotee sacrifices his life to the Guru. The Guru then enters the devotee and literally lives him. All things are sacrificed to the Guru, who is the Heart and its own Light. There is no other power but the Guru. You break your contracts with the binding world, permit him to enter, and reside in him always. This is the realization."

The Event As Teaching

Bubba arrived at the Satsang Hall while Sal was talking. After Sal finished, Bubba answered a few questions about the nature of the spiritual process and the new rain of Divine Light. He also talked about the creation of devotees and how devotees serve one another.

BUBBA: The true spiritual process is very wild in many ways, because it is alive. But it is not out of control. It is an absolutely conscious affair, all of this. But people fear it the same way they fear their own ordinary life-force. They think the life-force is some sort of insane animalistic presence in which nothing but mass murder and destruction are hidden. But the life-force is very intelligent. It is immediately responsible to the Divine, it is absolutely controlled by the Divine, and the life-force allowed to exist fully in the functions of man is a creative and ultimately beautiful manifestation. The only reason people are frightened of it is that they are so obstructed. When the action of the spiritual process relative to the life-force is not narrowed down and made harmless in the traditional way they are frightened by it. They cannot assume the Divine is behind it, so they think that a very dangerous thing is being let loose.

We are continually moving through different forms of function, different psychic conditions, different life conditions, and we must be fluid. We must be able to deal with these changes. Change is not daemonic. We are all resisting change, but change is the fundamental need of life. Because we operate like Narcissus, we are always resisting change. So one of the things the Guru must do is create changes for people. People are always becoming fixed, so he creates conditions to break that ritual, sometimes destroying social conventions, and at other times intensifying them. But there is only one thing from which to be shaken loose, and that is the ongoing ritual of Narcissus, the continuous meditation on the separate self sense, and fascinations with the illusions that are hallucinated from that point of view. In fact there is one Reality, without differentiation. It is full, it is only blissful, there is no danger, and there is no curse.

There has been a release of the Siddhi from the Divine. Many of you are now attentive and available in the way that devotees are available, and that manifestation is just flowing down head first. Previously, it had a muscular, ripply motion. It had to work its way down into the world as well as into individuals. Now it has become more and more constant. To anyone who becomes a devotee, there is now a natural enjoyment of the process of conductivity, and we are seeing extraordinary spiritual manifestations here.

This means that I have personally to involve myself even less with anybody who comes here. Everyone who lives in the Community will have a relationship with me, but less and less of the face-to-face sitting with me or anything like that. It has become a matter of living as a devotee in the Ashram and abiding in the Siddhi that is now generated to all. Periodically, apparently at random, I will make my personal contact with the people who have come to me. The more responsible people become for living as devotees, the more they serve as my vehicles. It is the creation of a Community of devotees that has been served by all the events that have led up to this time.

This is not the creation of Gurus or people who can be technically responsible for the spiritual process in others. In fact, as soon as any devotee becomes "involved" with the Force manifestation that he may feel in himself or see others feeling in relationship to him, or as soon as any devotee becomes attached to that in himself, strange and limiting things happen to the process itself. It actually closes up the process and makes all the people involved less and less available to God. It dries up.

The life of the Siddhi in the Community depends upon devotees, not Gurus. As long as people remain devotees, turned with more and more intensity to the Guru in God, the more the Siddhi will manifest in the Community, and the more devotees will feel that manifestation coming from one another. They must live intelligently and not make any conditions, high or low, their path. As soon as they make the smallest assumption that it has something to do with them, or that they can have some control over it, or that the function of Guru is awakening in them towards others, it will close up again.

To be a devotee, to live in Satsang, is to live God as your present Condition. It has nothing to do with seeking God, nothing to do with Narcissus. Narcissus is simply this conventional turning within, turning towards yourself, turning to the knot of your own consciousness in self-meditation and the life of self-concern. To be released into Satsang is to be turned out of the ritual of Narcissus, and also then to be liberated fundamentally from the karmic implications of future events. There are or will be future events, but they are continually being purified or undermined by the intensity of Satsang.

The more there is the life of a devotee, the more the purification of karmas becomes off-hand, simple. Difficult things aren't always required to be lived out in the devotee. More and more of it gets consumed in the psyche, in dreams, in small events. Life in Satsang is a perfectly purifying process which depends on the sacrificial and real life of the devotee, not upon the assumption of any kind of limiting status or path.

As the Community of devotees becomes more and more truly that, you will see that its membership is increased. You will see the work growing in the world. I have never wanted to "sell" this work. I have never wanted to do any of the usual salesmanship-entertainer garbage that makes an "organization" grow. I just made the work available through the books and opened a little center wherever we happened to be established. So there hasn't been any massive influx of people up to this time.

To become a devotee, to go through the turnabout into that Condition, is a tremendous change, and people are not commonly available to that. It is only when the Siddhi itself is established in the world, really established in living beings, that it truly begins to become available to others. It is a mysterious fact, but it is only when. devotees exist that this work will really grow. And it will grow just as naturally as it has up to now, but it will grow more dramatically. Not because I care whether it grows in terms of numbers. Having an organization really creates a lot of problems. And I enjoy hanging around my house, hanging around up here with just a few of you. But it will inevitably grow in a very natural way, without my having to become involved in show business.

The development of the Ashram is the development of devotees, of a Community of devotees. The more that comes into being, the more the Siddhi manifests its fullness. Now it has come to the point where it is beginning to live in the form of the Community, and you will see the dramatic transformation of the Community as time goes on. What I will expect of the Community will always be changing. Now I am preparing individuals to live this thing fully. Later I will require a certain responsibility from them in terms of making Satsang available. We have got to stabilize and develop Persimmon and the San Francisco Center. The conditions appropriate for students will be communicated at first. The responsibilities of disciples and devotees will be communicated appropriately over time.

People will become more and more aware of bow the Divine Siddhi manifests and what it is. It is greater than anybody could possibly comprehend. There is a profound mystery and technical process involved in life. There is far more involved in life than that of which people have even a little awareness. The relationship between the Guru in the world and his external devotee exists on another plane entirely and is ongoing.

My relationship to devotees is an eternal one, already fulfilled on another level. The drama that appears on "this side" is the transforming cosmic process. There are some who are not involved with this work yet, but with whom I already have an ongoing spiritual relationship, and with whom I work directly, who come and sit with me in subtle form. just so, all of you who are already with me in the body exist in another form entirely, of which you are not aware, or are perhaps only somehow mysteriously aware on occasion.

There is a counterpart to this world in another dimension in which I am always with everyone. Everyone is always there. This external manifestation of the world appears and disappears every day with sleep. Sometimes, in day to day living, I see my devotees, and sometimes I don't, but in the other dimension we are in continuous contact with one another. The life manifestation is just a fluctuating dramatization that serves the transformation, but in another dimension our relationship is constant and already achieved.

The drama of this world is just a means of perfecting the awareness that is ultimate. The freer, the wilder I can become, the less of an uptight, external, traditional Guru-type I have to be, the more the illusory separation between this solid world and the perfect Divine dimension is broken down. It is manifested in various qualities, experiences and intuitions. The whole ritual separation between this world and ultimate consciousness just breaks down.

At times alcohol and the common social forms of celebration serve to break down the illusory time-space separation between these two dimensions. There have been a number of occasions when, because I had been drinking, my subtle presence and the presence of others on the subtler dimension began to become visible to others who were in the room. Last night I was lying in bed in an in between state and the room was filled with people. Others who were present also saw these people. It is just a reflection of the ongoing connection that I have with all devotees on another level. That is where it is going on all the time.

The freer I can be to live as I want in this Community, and the freer I can allow you to be, the more the fullness of this Siddhi will become apparent. Doing that requires a lot of strangeness, a lot of breaking of social conventions. And at times the opposite is also required. To go on crazily indulging himself day after day desensitizes a person, although there is also a time when it serves to break down limitations.

The human Guru is just a way of communicating in the world the fact and the process that is eternal. The entire function of the human Guru's appearance in the world is to create devotees. Once devotees are created, it isn't necessary for there to be a human Guru. The eternal Guru, who is also that human Guru, is always present, and devotees are always in touch with that One. There are no karmic limitations in God. But externally, between the human Guru and his devotees, there are certain karmic limitations in that mere contact, that humanity. Those limitations serve the spiritual process, but they do not create or guarantee it. The creation of devotees is what is necessary, not the creation of more Gurus.

Sal and Neil are not really unique in the Ashram. They have had peculiar experiences generated at this time that demonstrate something to the Community, but many others are their equal as devotees. Everything that occurred in them was Grace. It did not reflect their abilities They have a certain availability to me. Their relationship to me has a certain purity and intensity, but it should not in any sense be assumed they have been perfected. It is just that each person acts for the sake of the Community as a different kind of demonstration. There are no exclusive vehicles. The Community is the vehicle, and each person within the Community has his peculiar characteristics, his peculiar intensity.

My spiritual activity in this world was demonstrated in the case of Sal and Neil in a unique way, and one of the chief things demonstrated through them was the fact that the process occurs, that a devotee happens. It is not just that a person becomes devoted to the Guru, but the Guru begins to share his qualities, actually manifests his qualities in a devotee who is turned freely to him. Sal and Neil are just demonstrating the possibility that exists for the Community as a whole, for all members of the Community. And each member of the Community will demonstrate the life of the devotee and the inherited qualities of the Guru in a different way. The whole Ashram was awakened in a new way when I also manifested through Neil, Sal, and others. It is the Ashram Community being awakened as a whole that is of value to me. just having a couple of people who are very good makes no difference. The Siddhi has manifested in a new way because people have become available, and in a few individuals there has been a characteristic demonstration for the sake of the whole Ashram. But it was the whole Ashram that was given this Grace.

Another thing that will serve the stabilization of devotees is something that is occurring in me. I have mentioned before that a dangerous or critical period is upon us now, intensifying until the first week in July. It is not just a period of time during which I may die, although that is a possibility. Basically, that is beside the point. It is not even very probable. What it represents is another moment in this attempt to bring the Divine Siddhi into this world. It is an encounter with cosmic forces and resistance on the level of the world-condition itself to the entrance of the Divine Siddhi into this manifest plane.

What you have seen recently is the beginning of this period. You have seen the initiation of devotees, but you will also see their wavering, their falling back, their inability to hold on to it. This intensification will get very strong in early May and last until early July. During that time, we should see less and less of mere momentary transformations of people. It should be easier for devotees to maintain that real quality with intensity, continuously. But that depends upon my having gone through this period. It is a matter of breaking down not just resistance in people, but resistance in the very world.

I have said this may involve my death, and everybody is very interested in the Guru's death. Death itself is fascinating. So everyone has his mind on this possibility, but the significance of this period of time is not whether or not I am going to survive. Its significance is relative to the stabilization of the Divine Siddhi in the world. The time of my death is not determined by the karmas of this world. It is determined by the event of this work itself, the bringing of this Manifestation into life. When that work is complete, the death of this one will occur. It cannot be predetermined, and there are no signs in my appearance or in the state of the work that will help you figure it out. It may seem like the work has not been completed, and yet I may go. On the other hand, it might seem like the work has been completed years ago and I am still hanging around. All fascination with my death only reflects the individual's refusal to yield the state of his own separateness. It is making the Guru a symbol of that personal drama.

During this time you may see me behave very unconventionally, and you will tend to get involved in that. Monday afternoon in the baths I was showing a peculiar way of manifesting the spiritual process relative to the conductivity of the life-force. It involved abandonment of the body in very much the same way that occurs in death. A subtle link was maintained, but all the signs of death began to appear. Many people in the Ashram began to feel reflections of that, experiences of psychic death and separation from the physical body. During the days that followed, when I had these people here at my house, I would lie about all day long, with very little apparent physical movement, sometimes going into a samadhi, abandoning physical movement and attention. It is just a sign of broadening the influence of this Siddhi. There are many things I have to do which require strange behavior, even temporarily leaving this body.

My social behavior couldn't get much more unconventional. During the rest of this period my physical appearance and my moods especially may change without apparent cause, but you shouldn't get involved in this social appearance and begin to think that difficulties have suddenly come upon you. None of this has anything to do with you in that personal way. You must be very responsible during this time. Your tendency will be to become irresponsible, to get a little crazy, or to succumb to the mood of difficulties that may be arising in your life. But that may not occur at all. It may be "sweet Jesus" from now until July. But if peculiar difficulties, frustrations, or negative influences seem to arise, just understand that it is like winter in New York. It gets lousy outside, so you put on a heavy overcoat. Don't get upset, don't get involved in the drama that is appearing externally. Maintain the condition of Satsang with great intensity. Intensify the life of a devotee during this time. Then you will be serving this event.

When it is completed, the capacity of individuals to maintain the life of a devotee will be increased, because obstacles in the world-process will have been removed. This is what has been happening for some time now. This is a transformation of the world-condition, not just a transformation of individuals. At this time I am involved with something that transcends work with individuals, although individuals will also see a reflection of that in their own lives.

This world in itself and as it is does not have any capacity whatsoever for enduring the Divine Presence. It is bound through centuries of ritual, cultic, separative living, so that every piece of the psyche, every cell in every manifest body is determined to separate itself and resist the Divine influence. The Divine Manifestation is not permitted in this world. It is the ultimate taboo. Happiness, ecstasy, freedom, are taboo even in purely social terms. That resistance exists in the very material of life, and we are only reflecting it socially. The world is a massive resister of the Divine event.

Whenever the Divine event is manifested in some way, whenever it somehow creeps through all this and manages to slip in, then it has dutifully to transform all of the world's conditions. I had to spend many of the early years of my life transforming my own psycho-physical vehicles so they could be an instrument for the Siddhi with which I had come. Only when that transformation had been accomplished could I begin to teach and serve others. just so, now I must be dealing with things that transcend or conventionally stand apart from my own psycho-physical form, or the psycho-physical forms of individuals.

I have described to you how several weeks ago a change began to occur in the manifestation of the Divine Light. It began to move down into this plane like a shower. Previously , my way of working with people was to intensify that Light from above, just as earlier in the work I used to step down and work it through them. In the last several weeks it has become possible to shower it down, rather than simply to intensify it. That doesn't simply happen over each person's head. It is a pre-cosmic manifestation. That this change could occur is a reflection of how the Siddhi of this work has begun to move into the world-process in a way that it hasn't done before.

Ordinary men have broken their connection with the Source of this Light, even with the Source of the life-force, so they enclose themselves in their self-concept, their twenty watts, and live out its destiny, gradually decreasing to the point of death. While alive, they do not live an unbroken connection to the present Source of the life-force. But the life-force is continually being created. It is not smacked into your body when you are born, frozen there while you live, and then run out when you die. It is a present, ongoing creation. Even so, men do not live that direct connection to the Source of their own life, and the Source of all forms, subtle and gross.

The significance of this rain is that it represents the breaking down of that separation between life and the complete, ongoing process of its creation. Now the devotee can enjoy the reestablished connection with the Source of the life-force without having to go through some massive self-conscious sadhana. It is flowing down, being pressed into the world, so the massive implications of that traditional separation are undone, and it becomes easier for people who are living in the Condition of Satsang to become sensitive to their present dependence upon the Divine. For those who are unconscious of it, though, it doesn't make a hell of a lot of difference.

It requires a very difficult yoga of a cosmic kind for this manifestation to steady itself, so that the world-obstruction will not limit devotees. Once that is established, then devotees again have only their own limitations to deal with. But the world itself will no longer be like some vast daemonic presence that ultimately prevents the process from taking place.

The work of this one, like the work of all those who have served in this way before, is to break down the fundamental limitation of this world so that this world may be lived in God. But it requires more than a few speeches. It is not an airy-fairy philosophical enterprise. it has required the suffering of vast billions of beings over a vast time to do this little bit we are doing. It will continue to take a great deal of sacrifice. It is a life and death affair, not just philosophy.