THE SEPARATE SENSE OF SELF SEARCH

The Pursuit of Union

Adi Da Samraj

 

It’s only the feeling of separation that instigates the motive to union. If you didn’t feel separate from the thing you want to get at, you wouldn’t have to seek it would you? But what you had to find out was that this feeling of separateness is an activity of your own that you are always doing.

You are always creating this feeling of separation from this that or the other thing and then pursuing it. The thing for which you must become responsive is your own separative act. That is self-understanding.

That is the understanding that is fundamental to the Way of The Heart, not seeking. Not seeking union with me or seeking anything whatsoever but the understanding of it. The understanding of it that transcends that very act and makes you seek. Otherwise, you make it into a moment of seeking for union with me.

One of the first things to notice then in the development of real self-understanding and the first thing to notice is that you are seeking and nothing more. That’s it. It doesn’t make any difference what you are doing or what particular this that or the other thing you are seeking to achieve or associate with, or enjoy, or whatever it may be, it’s all the same.

Everything is that, that search. It’s not only just so. It is painful. It is stressful. It is agonizing. It knaws at you constantly. And it’s not just one thing you are seeking. You are constantly seeking, sometimes seeking many things simultaneously. At any moment there may be something particular or other that you are particularly obsessed with, unioning with you see. Whatever it may be.

You examine your life and you make this discovery that it is seeking and nothing else. It is entirely that in every fraction and even coming to me can be a form of your seeking. The best way to come to me would be with the profound sense of the failure of your seeking.

It’s a conviction that that’s what you’ve been up to and you are failing and perhaps inevitably you will fail. This is the best way to come to me. It is easy to get on with if that’s your disposition. However, many may come to me right in the midst of their seeking.

They study my teaching and so forth but they still do not get the point. It’s another religious conventional endeavor for them. So they’re seeking in my company for this that or the other thing. However they may describe it, god realization, union with me, whatever it may be and so they bla bla bla about all of that constantly and for those coming to me in that disposition rather than the feeling of the failure of the search, must first of all come to the point of feeling the failure of the search.

Their development of self-understanding must accomplish that. So they’re not merely a seeker in my company. But very often the first thing they have to do is get this spell of seeking broken somehow. A lot of people waste a lot of time getting around to that happening and they waste a lot of time in my company with that you see.

They want to make the Way of The Heart a search in that participation in this gathering of all my devotees in a form of seeking always looking to satisfy this that or the other thing and dramatizing and all the rest.

They must realize the failure of the search to clearly feel that the life you are living, suffering is stressful, agonizing, rarely fruitful in any sense whatsoever. This is the first thing that must be gotten, that must be realized. It would be best to have gotten some feeling of it as I said before.

You can come into my company and you can begin to enter into the real consideration of self-understanding and self-transcendence. Then, perhaps, such things as we discussed this evening can begin to make a point in you, that all your seeking is search for union with this that or the other thing founded on stressful desiring or stressful activity that you are seeking all the time in many directions.

It’s always the pursuit of union of one thing or another and it’s always stressful. It’s always agonizing. It’s always basically disturbing in some fundamental sense, even pleasurable desiring when you examine it is full of stress. You must come to this realization of this level of understanding of what you are seeking.

What you are seeking is failing, this whole pursuit of union of one thing or another, and is always associated with stress.

It is agonizing. It is a preoccupation that is disturbing your existence completely. Then you can examine it further and all this stressful seeking for union with this that or the other thing. The thing to hide always is a feeling of separation from whatever it is that you are pursuing.

When you get that far with it in this agonizing separation and everything you are seeking, then you can begin to fruitfully examine how this feeling of separation or the separateness is your own activity. When you find this out, then the seeking falls way.

When you discover that the pain, the agony, the distress of your own existence is your own activity, then all of a sudden you don’t have to seek or get union in order to be relieved. The search becomes unnecessary. All there is to deal with is the self-contraction itself.

When it is noticed, it is easily released in communion with it and in response to me, the feeling of relatedness spontaneously; the feeling of non-separation, communion not union with me becomes real. This is how there is true self-surrender, true self-forgetting where there is this understanding of your own act in communion with me. Because it is a spontaneous event.

It is unnecessary to achieve union or reunion with anything or anyone, even the Divine, yet the feeling of non-separation is awake and that is simply a matter of transcending your own act of contraction, the realization of non-separation or the feeling of relatedness is the inherent characteristic of existence of your own act of self-contraction or separation.

Then even in the midst of conditional existence, you’re in an entirely different position than most others presume. Human beings function by tendency on the basis of self-contraction, uninspected, irresponsible. So they’re always seeking union with this that or the other thing but they’re wrong.

But there is responsibility for the self-contraction that the feeling of non-separation or relatedness is allowed to awaken spontaneously. And you exist in a field of apparent relations in an entirely different fashion than people ordinarily do.

In your intimate life for instance, you are always unioning with one another, always approaching one another through the feeling of separation wanting this that or other satisfaction from one another because of being driven to one another by your own contraction, your own egoity.

If you were responsible for the self-contraction, awake to the feeling of non-separation, or relatedness, then you wouldn’t be trying to get to union or reunion with someone for whom you are separate.

You would live even in that relationship in the disposition of non-separation. And this changes all acts in apparent relationship, changes them all. They cease to be seeking acts and become instead the harmonious events that manifested with those awake to the clarity of non-separateness and on that basis, everything can be simplified and everything can be set right.

So with everything you are only seeking things as a matter of seeking. Everything can be changed therefore transformed if your disposition is transformed, changed at its root, changed from self-contraction and the pursuit of union and to the relinquishment of that, and to the feeling of relatedness so that seeking vanishes inherently without having to do anything to it. With this understanding the search principle is gone. The search has no existence. Everything becomes yoga then, a matter of conductivity.

Everything is entered into responsibly, a conscious process based on the direct transcendence of self-contraction. If you are truly attracted to me you see and I’m not bargaining, playing the self-contraction, seeking, but understand this and approach me rightly, simply are attracted by me, then the feeling of non-separation from it awakens, the thing of relatedness in relation to me awakens and therefore surrender, self-forgetting occurs with ease directly.

That’s true Ishta Guru Bhakti yoga. This is a mix of yoga, not just some stressful seeker’s devotion trying to achieve union with me, feeling separate all the while, separating from me all the while, not that, but the true ecstasy of union, based on self-understanding, self-responsibility. That’s Ishta Guru Bhakti yoga. This is why I say to you there are two fundamental elements of this way.

It is fundamentally just this devotional union, but it requires habit, so it is both. It requires both, Self-Understanding and Devotion. Otherwise, you are not doing it as a yoga truly. Your devotion is an extension of your own seeking.

The true signs of growth in this way of communion with me occur fruitfully, fully, only when Ishta Guru Bhakti is a true yoga. And for it to be a true yoga as I said, requires self-understanding and requires it from the beginning. It is the basic context of this way. This self-understanding is what I call you to every moment. I call you to it from the beginning.

The first time I ever spoke in the origins of my teaching work back in April of 1972, the first talk I gave is called “Understanding” and I said these things basically on that night and I’ve said them ever since. Still you are just committed to your seeking and you don’t even readily it seems want to acknowledge that it is a stressful and agonizing life that you are leading in all this search, all this dramatization And it is a very simple matter to deal with.

The act of separateness generates an adventure. The whole time you are doing this seeking as if to achieve, you are avoiding relationship. No union is ever achieved by the ego, only separation is dramatized.

Even if you carry out this search it doesn’t get fulfilled, not in the achievement of real union, the transcendence of separateness, not that. That doesn’t occur. Even in the context of religion, it’s often argued that the pursuit of union with the divine is not supposed to become oneness with the divine. They are always supposed to be the difference between the Jiva the ego or whatever the word you use to describe it you see, the soul and the divine.

Why is such an argument made if the ego is not the patterning behind it at all? That is why. The inherent condition is one of non-separateness. If this were understood, there would be no question then that god realization is one of total identification with the divine.

The ego is the basis for all this religious seeking even in the achievement of some kind of communion with the divine there must be separation. They argue that this must be the nature of reality. Souls must be different from god and so forth you see. They don’t understand reality is non-separation and inherently so, inherently so, and union doesn’t have to be achieved. If fact, it cannot be achieved with the divine or anything whatsoever, with anyone.

It can only be non-separation, inherent identification in the absolute sense. There can’t be union because union is a pursuit based on the act of separation. It’s unreal. It’s based on misunderstanding.

An unexpected act is governing the mind, governing the life. It governs philosophy then, everything. It governs religion. You can’t achieve union from something or someone whom you are inherently separating yourself from.

If the act of separation is dropped, there is no separation. There’s the feeling of unrelatedness, unqualified, the feeling of non-separateness inherently. So this is the disposition in which to live and when it’s carried to its ultimate degree to perfection, then it is divine self-realization. It is only when there is perfect self-understanding that non-separation is allowed to be absolute.

I require that you understand and relinquish your own act of separation. That’s conventional devotion. It’s not the devotion that characterizes Ishta Guru Bhakti in this way. That’s just a conventional self-stimulated technique of feeling good.

Very simply, if you allow yourself to be attracted by me, drawn to me, just by the sighting of me, but in that process you also observe the mechanism in life and even in those moments you observe the mechanism of your own contraction, it is not difficult to relinquish it. You may think there is some sort of effort involved.

There is none whatsoever. I’ve used the analogy of your pinching yourself. You are feeling some pain and you are motivated to get rid of your pain and you taste this, touch that and have sex with this one, whatever it may be you see, you read, you think, blah blah blah to get rid of it.

But if you could just notice it, if you could draw your attention to it or somebody, call your attention to the fact that you are pinching yourself, there is no effort involved in taking your fingers off. You’re glad to do it and then it all passes. So when you are truly observing the self-contraction, it is easy to relinquish it. It doesn’t require any effort. It occurs rather spontaneously in fact.

All the efforting takes place when you are naturally observing the self-contraction but are trying to deal with this that or the other thing caused by that but peripheral to it and struggling to get rid of all that. That’s seeking then. The effort to get rid of something is seeking.

When you truly discover the cause, the relinquishment of it is spontaneous. And the seeking falls off spontaneously, is relinquished because it has no foundation. You don’t have to try to get rid of the pain of the pinch when you take your fingers away. All the seeking that it may have otherwise motivated, previously motivated, disappears without effort. It has no foundation anymore. You don’t have to read and try to figure out the universe because you are in pain you see. The pain is not there. You no longer feel separate from reality, from any reality, rather the feeling of relatedness, the feeling of non-separation is magnified spontaneously.

The practice is a continuous one not to be abandoned under any conditions with any relations, with any activities. It is to be continuous and so I’ve taken care to describe to you how it can be continuous by describing to you the yoga, the practice in every circumstance, in every function, in every practicality, every relationship.

So the description of the way is elaborate because of that but the fundamental description is very simple and it is simplicity that you must accomplish.

The transcendence of the self-contraction is not something that occurs in moments. This consideration is continuous. This consideration is your way of life in my company. It doesn’t come to an end after a few one liners from me. If it’s a real consideration for you, it goes on. It’s a profound matter, a very serious matter, a very interesting matter, a very intelligent matter.

But you’re willing to settle for a good feeling. Because you've been reading a book, my books, or whatever books as a form of seeking, then you get your hit, you get your orgasm, your little moment, a little bit of insight, that’s the end of that for the book count. You go out and seek somewhere else you see.

It’s not a punch line matter, or a once in for all matter. It is a consideration, a way of life. It doesn’t stop if it’s real. It goes on and on. It persists. You can’t help yourself. You’ve got it by the tail. You’ve gotten into the stream of something very profound and it just doesn’t stop and you’re examining everything, all kinds of things. More to see about it, more to say about it, more to do about it. You are looking at all your seeking, everything about your life. Well, that’s consideration.

There are all kinds of revelations, all kind of lives, everything going on, everybody on their adventure. You can read about it all, animate it yourself. Do what you like with it. It’s based on an error. There’s no truth in it. There can be some sublime feelings or what may be called sublime feelings by some. There can be good feelings achieved by almost anything that you may seek. People get pleasure out of abusing people. Look how much fun people are having killing one another out there these days for what are considered idealistic reasons. They’re getting off on it pleasurizing themselves in their knot of righteousness you see.

They call it life. Everybody is roaming the world when they’re not abusing everyone, suffering stress and thinking that that’s just life. It isn’t. It’s egoity. It’s what life becomes when it’s fashioned by the ego. It’s not what life is. If you get what life is you’ve got to deal with the ego, the knot that’s producing your adventure and transcend it.

You've got to realize the natural and native position of non-separateness, unqualified relatedness. That changes even life in its ordinary transactions. Go on with it. It becomes ultimate perfect divine self-realization.

The principal of egoity has not been understood and made the basis for the divine process. The principal of egoity has been the basis of religion, even esoteric religion, all the while because there has been no true understanding of the principal of egoity. So the search for egoity, the self-contraction itself, separateness, a separative motive, has been fundamental to both exotericism and esotericism as well as ordinary life. So obviously then this is the key matter.

It is the key to the Way of The Heart or fundamental key to it and without this understanding truly engaged, demonstrated, you turn the Way of The Heart into an extension of the great search and make it into just another form of conventional religiosity.

My transmission is non-separateness. You tend to register my transmission in terms of self-bound experiences as devotees generally do. They’re not really getting my transmission. In that case it’s fierce energies with this or that vision or whatever you see. Well that’s all well and good but it’s not it. It’s not the fullest reception of my transmission.

It’s not my fullest communion with me. It’s not true self-understanding that’s demonstrated. It’s just possibilities experienced by you a seeker, an apparent individual perpetually active of self-contraction. You are not only seeking. You must find out about yourself. You are only seeking, but you are involved in the perpetual action of self-contraction, a devastating act, a self-deluding act most profound which is what makes existence what is traditionally called samsara.

You are living an allusion because of this act. You are only thinking, imagining you are in the real world. You are not aware of reality. You are perceiving an allusion. The world as you perceive it is an allusion.

Everything you think about it, everything you experience, everything you pursue, it’s all illusions. It’s based on a self-deluding act. You do not just “Oh isn’t that amusing” self-contracted. It is most profound, a most profound matter. It’s controlling your life and you’re unaware of it.

Adi Da talking to a Devotee:

You’re seeking right now. You are actively practicing self-contraction right now. So how are you doing it right now? What form of seeking are you involved in right now? How is it a form of seeking in your case? What are you looking for? You’ve got this question now that you’ve formulated at the moment and it feels a little uncomfortable yet it is not answered. You want me to say something and then you’ll get that good feeling. Is that it? .....Yes. But you’re asking me a question. At least you said you were going to. And you said that was a form of seeking.

So what do you want from me in that search?

No. That’s not it. (Laughter from audience.) All seeking is a pursuit of union from something you are actively separating yourself from.

What are you seeking from me right now?

What is that seeking union with me exactly? What are you doing with your questioning. You are talking to me now. What do you want?

You’re not just sitting there quietly listening at the moment.

There is nothing left but you sitting over there with a question on your face, contracting yourself. And if you continue talking what will you be looking for?

What would you be looking for if you continued talking?

But the contraction is the motive. You’re trying to feel relieved of it aren’t you? Right now. You’re talking to me and you are trying to feel some relief. This game is for me to talk to you. I could do all kinds of things. I could go out and give you a big wet kiss and that would make you feel good too. (Audience laughter)

You don’t really care all that much where the good feeling comes from. You just want to feel better because you don’t feel too damn good right now.

You’re trying to feel good. Every one of you right now is trying to feel good. You want to feel good because you feel bad. You always already feel bad, always already. You feel bad. You always feel bad when you are seeking. You want to feel good here there using all the methods you can generate in your daily life.

You get a little spell of relief, just breathe though. People get to their cruise and back almost immediately. As much as you are feeling bad, you are making yourself feel bad. That’s what you have to find out.

The self-contraction is why you feel bad. It is the bad feeling and you are doing it and that’s what you have to find out and become capable of transcending moment by moment. Right now you feel bad and you are talking to me.

You are talking. You feel bad right now. You didn’t just feel bad in the right now then. You feel bad in the right now now. Right now you feel bad. I mean you could feel a lot worse in all kinds of ways with all kinds of pain. This is a rather ordinary moment.

But still you’re sensitive to the fact that you don’t feel good. You are disturbed, uptight somehow, filled with stress somehow. So you are always motivated to feel better no matter what you are doing.

 

END/37.12

 

 

The separate sense of self search

 

Page 1 of 25 9/14/09

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Adi Da, Ramana Maharshi, Nityananda, Shridi Sai Baba, Upasani Baba,  Seshadri Swamigal , Meher Baba, Sivananda, Ramsuratkumar
"The perfect among the sages is identical with Me. There is absolutely no difference between us"
Tripura Rahasya, Chap XX, 128-133


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